Consciousness of a Real Devotee

When Śrīla Bhaktisiddhānta Sarasvatī Thakur Jagad Guru Prabhupada was in Lucknow in November 1929, the district sessions judge, Śrī Rāya Bāhādura Basu, came to meet him. Finding this sadhu wholly devoted to Gaurāṅga, Mr. Basu related how his friend R. Babu, a superintendent engineer, also was known as an exalted devotee of Mahāprabhu. Mr. Basu described that when R. Babu's only daughter fell sick, R. Babu started loudly chanting “Gaura, Gaura!” day and night. As much as his daughter's condition intensified, so did R. Babu's Gaura-bhajana. He began to regularly visit the house of his guru, always coming and going, offering many varieties of delectable food for his guru's deities. All were amazed by his unprecedented guru-bhakti. Yet despite such devotion to Mahāprabhu, his only daughter died. On the day she departed, from early morning until about nine in the evening her breathing became increasingly strained, and with much suffering she finally succumbed.

After some days, when Mr. Basu again saw R. Babu, he found that R. Babu's apparently unflinching devotion to Mahāprabhu had completely vanished. R. Babu told Mr. Basu, “There is no such ‘Mahāprabhu.’ If truly there were Bhagavān, He would not cause suffering to His devotee. If He were truly present in everyone's heart, then knowing the pain that would afflict the heart of His devotee, surely He would have saved my daughter. His greatness as God would have become more widespread in this world. Devotees’ faith and devotion to Him would have grown a million times. They would have preached His greatness to others and brought them to worship Him. All members of the family would have increased their faith in Mahāprabhu. And once revived, my daughter would have become so much more attracted to Him. People in ignorance have faith in the Lord and chant the name of Mahāprabhu. But it is more felicific to go about one's daily work than to utter the name of Gaura. That is the truth.”

Addressing Mr. Basu as to the cause of this about-face, Śrīla Sarasvatī Ṭhākura spoke at length:

The Mahāprabhu whom I have taken shelter of is not the Mahāprabhu of R. Babu. He takes Mahāprabhu like a hired gardener. I take shelter of the Mahāprabhu of Śrīvāsa Paṇḍita. Mahāprabhu spoke of Śrīvāsa, who was absorbed in prema, as follows:

putra-śoka nā jānila ye mora preme

hena saba saṅga muñi cchāḍiba kemane

How can I ever leave the association of such a person who, due to his love for Me, is unaffected even by the demise of his son? (Cb 2.25.52)

I worship the Mahāprabhu of that Śrīvāsa Paṇḍita, who told the ladies of his house to stop their crying:

kala raba śuni' yadi prabhu bāhya pāya

tabe āji gaṅgā praveśimu sarvathāya

If by this hullabaloo the Lord's ecstasy is disturbed, then today I shall certainly enter the Gaṅgā [and thus commit suicide]. (Cb 2.25.36)

I worship the Mahāprabhu of Śrī Rūpa, who described Him thus:

viracaya mayi daṇḍaṁ dīna-bandho dayāṁ vā

     gatir iha na bhavattaḥ kācid anyā mamāsti

nipatatu śata-koṭir nirmalaṁ vā navāmbhas

     tad api kila payodaḥ stūyate cātakena

O friend of the poor, do what you like with me, give me either mercy or punishment, but in this world I have no one to look to except Your Lordship. The cātaka bird always prays for the cloud, regardless of whether it showers rains or throws a thunderbolt.

I worship the Mahāprabhu who played the role of jagad-guru to teach us:

āśliṣya vā pāda-ratāṁ pinaṣṭu mām

     adarśanān marma-hatāṁ karotu vā

yathā tathā vā vidadhātu lampaṭo

     mat-prāṇa-nāthas tu sa eva nāparaḥ

Lord Kṛṣṇa, the lover of many female devotees, may embrace this fully surrendered maidservant or trample me with His feet, or may render me brokenhearted by not being present before me for a long duration of time, yet still He is nothing less than the absolute Lord of my heart.

nā gaṇi āpana-duḥkha,         sabe vāñchi tāṅra sukha

           tāṅra sukha—āmāra tātparya

more yadi diyā duḥkha, tāṅra haila mahā-sukha,

            sei duḥkha—mora sukha-varya

I do not mind My personal distress. I wish only for the happiness of Kṛṣṇa, for His happiness is the meaning of My life. If He feels great happiness in giving Me distress, that distress is the best of My happiness. (Cc 3.20.52)

Mahāprabhu may release all the misfortunes of the universe upon me millions of times so that I will worship Him. I am ready for that with all my senses. Accepting those calamities, I surrender to His feet, thinking He is protecting me, drawing me toward His lotus feet. He is most merciful to remove my duplicity. He is not allowing me to enjoy my senses. He is making me understand that other than His lotus feet, there is no eternal object of which to take refuge in this world. I am bearing the heavy weight of karmic reactions due to my past actions. If I endure these with a little sufferance and take refuge in my eternal Lord, I will find actual benefit.